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Stevie · Independentist Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1179

LIVE FROM LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA, THE MICHAEL JACKSON FUNERAL SERVICES...

Starring Michael Jackson and a bunch of mourners sharing their superstar grief.

I am moved.

I too love his music and dance but I fear at the funeral that I'm currently watching on TV the audience is going to canonize him.

Great artist but there's too much hero worship for singers and dancers these days.

I myself would only canonize John Lennon... and Paul... and George and Ringo but that's different because... I've appointed myself the arbitrer of good taste and in point of fact, I've elected myself Pope.

I see Paul McCartney is nowhere to be seen; MJ shouldn't have pinched his songs if he wanted him to sing at the funeral, bet he's sorry now.
Actually, I have a very long list of those who should be canonized

Och, I suppose MJ could be canonized (Billy Jean was good).

And since I am Pope, I'm going to canonize myself.

Ah... Germaine is singing the Charley Chaplin faux classic 'Smile though your heart is breaking' (apparently MJ's favourite song - further proof of weirdness?... actually Germaine's doing rather a good job of it... he may kill us all).

Brooke Shields (on TV) seems to have canonized MJ already, she's saying 'we used to make each other laugh' so much that we just got so silly.

Oh dear, Martin Luther King Junior III is saying that MJ constantly challenged us and that MJ was in fact the reincarnation of the original Martin Luther King.

I would like to know if I can buy an MJ funeral doll in golden casket with accessories. I want the one that you press a button and MJ pops up into a seated position looking like Liza Minelle, arms out stretched singing "THRILLER!!!"

Oh dear God, a female US congresswoman was unable to resist the urge to use his song titles to make 'cool' sentences. She should Beat It but she Won't Stop Till She Get Enough etc. etc.

Oh well, funerals are for the living...

He died a hero...

... well, no he didn't, he died a sad lonely broken soul who, without the wig, undoubtedly resembled the hairless alien version of David Bowie in 'The Man Who Fell To Earth' but his legacy will be the best dancer who ever lived and a musical talent of enormous ability.

The whole show is summed up with a direct quote which captures the quintessential strangeness of the whole evening from a confused and somewhat alarmed Bubbles the chimp: "Ooh ooh ooh aah aah aah, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh". Bubbles wept hysterically and was quite inconsolable but later brightened up enormously down when he was given a banana.

RIP

Pope Stevie the first.

_________________
Every man dies, not every man really lives.

Alba gu bràth!

Stevie · Independentist Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1179

It turns out, Michael's not really dead.

Michael is in fact Bubbles the Chimp.

What happened was... Michael progressively had Bubbles undergo surgery at the same time he had it done to himself.

At one point it was nigh impossible to tell Michael and Bubbles apart. In fact it was Bubbles who died of a heart attack and it's Bubbles who is being commemorated this evening. Michael would scream out but he's tried that many times in the recent past (he had his vocal chords removed to sound like a real chimp) and people just keep giving him bananas. Fortunately he likes bananas, so things could be worse.

You don't really think a human could look like the MJ currently passing himself off as MJ.

Still, apparently he gets all the bananas he can eat and nobody carries out any scientific experiments on him, so it's all good.
_________________
Every man dies, not every man really lives.

Alba gu bràth!

magister ludi · Gaining a Reputation Joined: 13 Dec 2008 Posts: 225

micheal jackson dies.....and my sony laptop goes on the blink.
this is more than just coincidence.
AND Uri Gellar was his friend. Spooky

Stevie · Independentist Joined: 22 Nov 2008 Posts: 1179

You don't buy the Bubbles the chimp theory then?
_________________
Every man dies, not every man really lives.

Alba gu bràth!

Morph · Our Scotland = 2nd Job! Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 916

I think its a bit far fetched, i prefer Billy Connelly's idea that Michael is LeToya

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"An oppressive government is to be more feared than a tiger"