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Seabird

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special
announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
still celebrating reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music
for your enjoyment.

Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS
EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employee's beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for
you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing
allowed though, we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat
food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt
used in the food, we suggest for those people with high blood pressure
to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics,
the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss
anything?!?!?

Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All f**king Employees
RE: The f**king Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**king salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
and die,

The b*tch from HELL!!!!!!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
everyone the afternoon off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!

_________________
"You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom." Malcom X

Abieuan · Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:49 pm Post subject:

Nice one Seabird, everyone should be able to do their own thing without offending anyone else.
I'm a bit Pagan myself and i'll be lighting my Winter Solstice fire in a few days time, hope the neighbours don't mind ! Very Happy