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Blackadder

Just to push your imagination out a bit ...

I'll start with ...

Flora McDonald:
"Oh, he was a nice looking laddie all right, and those designer threads were something else. You'll have seen the photies. But when he turned up at my door, he was like something the cat dragged in.
"Hey man," I said, (in the Gaelic of course) "You look like you've been sleeping rough for months".
He agreed that at that moment in time he didn't exactly live up to the "bonnie" tag, but he needed to get across the sea to Skye rather urgently. (He'd a funny accent I noticed)
"What now?" I said.
"As in immediately" he said.
"But listen" I said "loud the wind blows, loud the sea roars."
Just then a thunderclap rent the air.
"See what I mean?" I said "Besides I've just had a good dinner and maybe I'm a wee bit over the limit."
He offered me some gold … well a lock of his hair anyway. And that got me thinking, because you'll never know when someone might want to open a museum. But it was damned rough out there and I made one last attempt to get out of the deal.
"Could you not wait 250 years", I said, "until we get the bridge?"
"Absolutely not" he informed me, and anyway he wouldn't like the design of the thing. Plus if there was a bridge there wouldn't be much point in him going to Skye, would there? I had to give him that one. So there was nothing for it but to wrap myself in my special amphibious plaid and get the boat out.
Like a bird on the wing? We went across that water like a bat out of hell! You will notice that there is not one contemporary account of how the journey went … apart from that nauseating song. That's because in my state, I couldn't remember anything about it, thank goodness.
But we got there; and I said to the laddie (whae was born to be king) "Is this single or return?"
"Single" he said.
And that's the last I saw of him.
He went away in my frock."

azzuri · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Posts: 3792

...very funny Blackadder, but didn't Ms. McDonald and BPC continue their love affair a while longer on Skye?
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mairead · Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:21 am Post subject:

Very clever Blackadder. I'll TRY to follow your idea.

Margaret Thatcher to Michael Forsythe.
"Listen Mike, I know you are one of them, but if you want a title you'll have to go along with me in everything."
Forsythe,
"Oh that's ok with me your Royal premiership. I don't give a stuff about the Scots anyway."
Thatcher
"Good. I hate them, I really hate them. England couldn't really bring then to heel even after all these centuries of wars, but I bloody well will, you'll see. I'll bring that damned country down if it's the last thing I do."
Forsythe.
"Fine by me. I don't need to live there anyway. They're so unrefined that it wears one down."
Thatcher
"OK. So I've hit the steel industry on the head, brought in the poll tax, closed their mines, now what else. Hey, by the way, it's about time that Lizzie's crown was on my head. I'm more than deserving of it, don't you think."
Forsythe
"Oh I do ma'am, I do indeed. How will you acomplish that though."
Thatcher
"Listen you bloody numpty, when I have taken Scotland the English people will just love me, after all the damn country has never really been taken, has it. When did Lizzie or her forbears achieve that, damned Germans, should never have been here in the first place."
Forsythe
"Oh yes my lady I do understand."
Thatcher slaps him
"You bloodywell better understand. I am She Who Will be Obeyed. Got it? Now get off your knees and out there and tell these other blockheads what they are going to do, and I'll start by using the Royal 'We' That should go down a treat and get right up Lizzie's nose. Ho Ho Ho."
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I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:48 am Post subject:

Azzuri ... does the word "imagination" mean anything to you at all?

Historical fact be damned ... make it up!!!

It's for fun ... Exercise that grey matter in your head! I swear you'll enjoy it ... or I'l be a three-toed babootch from the Scarlet Jungles of Krypton!

Blackadder · Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 6:24 pm Post subject:

Mrs Jackie Kennedy ... "Yes, apart from that, it was a very nice drive through Dallas!"
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mairead · Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:45 am Post subject:

Elizabeth of England to Robert Dudley,
"Listen, you can't have me, legally of course, even if Amy did have an accident, but hey,you could always marry my cousin Mary of Scotland."
Dudley.
" Hey that's not a bad idea, I could become King of Scots then, and my sons would become King of both countries. Can you pull it off Liz."
Elizabeth,
"Course I can. She's like the rest of you, she'll do as I tell her"

A few weeks later.
Dudley
"Liz, what's wrong with you, You don't look too happy?"
Elizabeth
"Bitch, she is defying me. Can you believe it, Says she won't marry my horsemaster.
What do you think she means by that. Is she inferring that I am not a virgin after all."
Dudley
"She must have spies in your bedchamber my love"
Elizabeth,
"Somehow, some day I'll have her head for this. Insulting me, who does she think she is?"
Dudley,
"Erm, the Queen of Scots Ma'am
Elizabeth,
"Well, she won't be by the time I am finished with her. I'll get rid of that beautiful face one day. She has no right to look so good while I look like this. I am Elizabeth, I should be the most beautiful. God's curse on her"
Dudley
"Well you have the heart and mind of a King, what do you expect. You can't have it all you know."
Elizabeth.
"WHAAAT? Guards, Take Dudley to the tower. Treason is the charge
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:50 am Post subject:

Alexander III of Scotland (as he fell over the cliffs) ... "Aaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!"

Edward II of England ... "What are you going to do with that red-hot poker?"