Blackadder
|
New Year's GreetingsHappy New Year peasants!
|
carol
|
 I was looking for a tall dark stranger on another thread!! BA you're my worst nightmare! ............. kidding 
I'm maybe a bit of a rebel but definitely not a peasant
All the best
Carol
|
mairead
|
A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE, including that rarest and most delightful of species, the Blackadder.
|
carol
|
delightful 
|
Blackadder
|
Delightful????????????????
I can't be doing my job properly! 
|
mairead
|
Well we've all known that for some time dear. Maybe Baldrick can give you some guidance.
|
carol
|
BA you are coming across a wee bit more 'normal' BA
|
Blackadder
|
I am 'normal' for a peer of my elevated station, high above the rest of you. It's the rest of you who are abnormal in not realising how low you really are in the scheme of things!
|
macnumpty
|
I don't live on a scheme though, so I'm all right.
|
Jimbo
|
A belated happy new year to one and all on Our-Scotland.
|
Blackadder
|
Macnumpty ... one suspects you'll never be "alright"!
And don't think you can sneak on to this thread with belated greetings, Jimbo! I spotted you! Where have you been, what have you been doing, are you drunk again? Just because you're beneath my notice doesn't mean I'm not watching you, you know! I don't allow you peasants to get away with anything. In future, be on time with your greetings or I'll have you whipped!
|
carol
|
you're kinky 
imagine the scene, BA in black pvc (or is it pink?) with a leather whip  oops forgot the kinky boots
|
Blackadder
|
Carol ... outed herself as a pervert at long last! Don't project it on to me, dear ... it's not seemly.
|
carol
|
tut tut BA the 'style' becomes you
could imagine you trampling on 'your' peasants wearing stiletto heels
|
mairead
|
He lashes out occasionally with the handbag too.
|
Blackadder
|
Fortunately, you two and your fevered imaginings are only that.
Now ... when is BG coming back??
|
macnumpty
|
Now, now, Mairead, BA only gets the handbag out at weekends.
|
carol
|
what street corner? with my driving skills I may just run him over 
|
Blackadder
|
Typical women! Just when thy're losing the argument they want to change all the rules.
|
carol
|
takes one to know one
|
Blackadder
|
Well, of course I know how a woman's mind works. My cousin and I dissected enough of their tiny brains in medical school. The female brain is a massively underdeveloped organ. There;s no real room for a mind of any practical worth to inhabit it.
I'm sure Macnumpty agrees with that deduction.
|
macnumpty
|
Hmmmmm... I think I'll wuss out of this one and note that 1) I'm on to an instant loser if I get involved, 2) I am in the positon of not needing to think all that much about understanding women, and 3) I don't want to dissect anything as I'm too squeamish.
|
Blackadder
|
One rather suspects you're taking the easy way out, Macnumpts. You're not afraid of the female peasants are you?? Come on, stand up to them!! After you've done the dishes!
|
mairead
|
Erm, and who lost an argument BA? That's a typical chauvenistic reposnse.
Also, re. the female brain, it is a well known fact that, unlike the male of the species, the fermale brain can cope with multi tasking, while men can only focus on one problem at a time.
|
macnumpty
|
I'm taking the sensible way out. It may be easy but one has to pick one's battles. Though in defence of the male mind, may I say that, yes, we focus on one task, but we perform it properly. And we're better at traffic management.
|
mairead
|
And the ladies fulfil All their tasks to perfection.
|
macnumpty
|
You have obviously never met my co-workers. I'm the most recent recruit to the office and I have to show them how to work the photocopier.
|
Blackadder
|
Macnumpty, you're just a little ray of sunshine aren't you? You won't tackle them head on, but you'll snipe from the sidelines. Good man ... I should have guessed that taking them from behind would be your speciality. Do they never see you coming??
|
carol
|
Macnumpts has a very easy going nature, and is very well respected unlike your fake self
|
Blackadder
|
Yes ... I'm right. You've completely blindsided them, Manumpts. The difference ... apart from my high station and your very low station in life ... is that I don't care. Still ... you carry on ...
|
carol
|
he's dazzled us with his charm, etc etc get some tips from him BA you may even end up normal
|
mairead
|
Came across this coiled up black thing in the forest today. I trod on it and then reeled in horror thinking I had trod on a ' blackadder.'
Not to worry though, it was just a bit of rubber tyre or something. You just never know what is lurking in a forest though.
Do you lurk BA?
|
macnumpty
|
My, my, BA, aren't we quick to take the huff? I shall simply say that a pleasant disposition gets you anywhere you want to go.
Except the next town from here. That requires £1.80.
|
mairead
|
Aye Macnumpts, true in most instances, but we occasionally come across those who mistake a pleasant disposition for stupidity or lowly birth, Much like the Blackadder does. You can tell that by the way he treats poor old Baldrick et al.
I don't think he is in a huff mind you. He doesn't really do huffs, just run out of suitable responses for the moment, after all it is hard work trying to be nasty ALL the time.
Ain't that so BA. xxx
|
Blackadder
|
Oh you so wish! As it happens, there is a problem on the estate that needs my attention. So if I go "missing" for a few days ... it's because my "problems" are naturally bigger thany any of you peasants' petty concerns. Now go sit in a corner and right out 500 times "I must not trouble Lord Blackadder because he is so much better than me!" And the others, can join in on that exercise too! Just because I like to be fair and even-handed!
|
carol
|
if you go missing for a few days could be a sign of old age
happy wandering
|
mairead
|
Aye wandering round that estate might have left you a bit 'wandered' me lud. xx
|
Blackadder
|
Maybe you two should come over and take the Romanians' places? I'dbe uite happy to release the wolves with you around.
|
carol
|
BA I'm not the required taste for your gnashers
|
Blackadder
|
Are you implying I would EAT you? Good god no! I never eat meat THAT old and stringy!
|
carol
|
thanks!!!
hey the more mature the better
|
mairead
|
BA.
A mature woman is like a vintage wine. Fruity and well preserved.
As for your thoughts on using us as serfs, sorry toots, I'm afraid some of us are tooooo high born for that. Also we employ regular folks, not foreign slave labour, but perhaps we are not all so short of a bob as the Blackadders seem to be. Do you need a loan dearie? Not that I am offering, but I could recommend a good lender who only kneecaps on non re-payment.
|
Blackadder
|
Fruity and well preserved? Sounds like you've just been mummified by the johnny-arabs of Gippo-land for the next millenium.
Sorry, but I like my women young, willing, able and ready to be instructed in the art of lovemaking. To further an old analogy, a fiddle will barely be plucked until the mastery of the bow is brought to bear.
It also sounds like you haemorrhage money with paying for the lazy scum to work. Don't be thick all your life. The way we Blackadders KEEP our cash is by spending other people's money! And we don't do loans ... that way, we don't lose out to bad payers.
As I see it, there's nothing wrong with knee-capping. I do it for the sheer fun of it. I have to say, you really do come across as a peasant-lover ... you'e trying to take all the fun out of being rich and lording it over these low-lives. Are you one of these humourless social workers?
|
carol
|
define young in your case? for all we know you could be a octogenarian looking for a flirty fifty year old
|
mairead
|
Funny how wrinkly old men always seem to think they are attractive to the bright young things. Still I suppose it's male vanity and the older they get the more vain (and silly) they become.
|
carol
|
so true
maybe BA's got cash to flash
|
mairead
|
Well he should have, for the pitance he pays his foreign workers. Mean old git
|
Blackadder
|
Old? Wrinkled? That's my great grandfather you're thinking of. I am not quite at the age where one becomes the answer to Life, the Universe, Everything ... I am still young, ambitious and thrusting!!! Unlike the rest of you coffin-dodgers.
|
mairead
|
Sez you. XX I won't ask what you might be thrusting though. LOL
|
Blackadder
|
That's alright. You wouldn't be within 10 kilometres of it!
|
mairead
|
Wouldn't want to be thanks all the same.
|
Blackadder
|
Thank me (the Lord) that works out for both of us then, eh?
It's so easy to keep you peasant-lovers happy!
|
mairead
|
Who says you keep me happy. I have other means of being happy you know. We all thought we were keeping YOU happy dear.
|
Blackadder
|
These "other means" of keeping yourselves happy that you mention ... I think Macnumpty has seen the pictures of you doing it in "Readers Wives". I'm more like Rhett Butler in the respect that I don't give a damn!
|
macnumpty
|
BA, think carefully for a moment... why would I, of all people, read "Readers' Wives"?
And that's a thought, why isn't there a "Readers' Husbands"? or "Readers' Civil Partners"?
It's discrimination, I say!
|
mairead
|
Rab Butler more like
|
Blackadder
|
I have several Butlers ... all buttling away.
|
carol
|
a household of goats
 too early in the morning thought you's said butting 
|
Blackadder
|
Carol ... wouldn't it be nice if, whenever you messed up your life, you could simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete" and start all over again? Go back to bed for starters.
|
mairead
|
I see it's not just the weather that is quite 'Nippy' this morning then.
|
Blackadder
|
Are you going to have a small whisky today then? Why stop there ... have the whole bottle ... Have two! ... why break the habits of a lifetime?
|
mairead
|
Might just do that. I love a tipple of a rare malt.
|
Blackadder
|
For tipple, read "barrel"!
|
mairead
|
Erm, No I was brought up to believe that all things should be consumed in moderation. Your reply would indicate the Blackadders are a greedy lot, so judge me not by Blackadder standards. .
|
Blackadder
|
Oh I don't care! I'm with the damned anyway!
Not that I was judging you ... but now that you come to mention it ... aren't you going on trial in May?? That's the usual time for Sheepdog Trials, isn't it? I bet they find you guilty!
|
mairead
|
Moi? I am only guilty of being so nice that I actually lower my standards to talk with you. LOL
|
Blackadder
|
Actually ... while you think you're stooping low to talk to me ... I have to limbo a lot lower than that to reach the dizzying heights you belong in.
|
mairead
|
Aha, well I always reckoned you to be a bit bendy anyway.
|
Blackadder
|
Supple ... I am supple ... but always inflexible with the ower orders.
Have you had your hay this morning?
|
carol
|
he's just like rubber Margaret, you can stretch and stretch him and he bounces back
|
Blackadder
|
........ and don't you forget it!
|
mairead
|
hmmm,
oooh, I don't fancy stretching any snakes, not even a Black Adder
|
Blackadder
|
I suspect the only thing may have bee stretchy about you at one time, Mairead ... is the elastic in the waistband of your knickers!
|
mairead
|
What makes you think I wear any?. Any way whay holds up your undergarments? A pot Belly maybe.
|
Blackadder
|
Going commando, eh? Don't travel around naked up north then. They've already released wild beaver up there!
|
mairead
|
Didn't say if I did or did not. Only asked why you assumed I did.
|
Blackadder
|
I make no assumptions, but only ask questions that you appear to have answered in the affirmative.
Doesn't bother me if you feel the wind in your withers!
|
mairead
|
Only Horses have withers dear.
|
Blackadder
|
Yes .... thought you'd get that ....
|
mairead
|
RATBAG. I got your meaning too.
|
Blackadder
|
I think that exchange rather went in my favour ..... again!
|
mairead
|
Yes, I'll give you that one, but only because it is not really my forte to be so insulting as you.
|
Blackadder
|
I know. It's a gift!
|
mairead
|
You must have to put in a lot of practise all the same
|
Blackadder
|
Well ....... practice does make perfect they say!!
|
mairead
|
Aye a perfect pest.
|
Blackadder
|
... and you wish you had a can of computer-pesticide, right?? What a fantasy world you inhabit!!!
|
mairead
|
Aw, do you think I would spray you if I had. Honest I wouldn't. You give me so much mirth.
|
Blackadder
|
Well ... at least the mirth is exceeded only by your girth.
|
mairead
|
My girth ain't that wide dearie
|
Blackadder
|
In which case the mirth is exceeded only by your capacity to enjoy it ... so happy to have been of service to your delusions of adequacy!
|
mairead
|
Glad something makes you happy.
|
Blackadder
|
It's Monday! Mondays do that to me! The only thing happier is Macnumpty ... may he find the dolphin of his dreams!
|
mairead
|
I'm just happy for every day that my eyes open again.
|
Blackadder
|
Do you say prayers too? To which God? Baal?
|
mairead
|
Oooh, you are naughty right enough, but I like it.
|
Blackadder
|
I have a room in the mansion with idols, crucifixes, vodun symbols, fertility corn dolls, mediaeval statuary .... hedging my bets, you understand. I got the idea from a small restaurant in Antwerp that has hundreds of Christian idols set into the walls. During my Uni years, I did the old Grand Tour of the continent and found the place by accident. Great little city ... lots to see and do.
|
mairead
|
Maybe I should start thinking about hedging my bets too.
|
Blackadder
|
My advice is ... do! To everybody. Disbelieve all you want ... I certainly do. But when MY day comes ... I want to be covered for all eventualities!
|
mairead
|
Sounds like the right idea, except for the fact that whoever sits in Judgement will be watching. LOL
|
|
|
