Blackadder
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personal messagesI only just had the time to check the personal messages today and noticed several posters had posted pm's to me regarding my long absence from the boards.
I want to thank you all for your warm wishes and enquiries concerning my health. While not entirely recovered, I am much better ... hence my reappearance here in the last few weeks. My grandmother's recipe for peasant stew was a great help! I'll try to remember to post up the recipe.
Right ... maudlin moments over!!! Let that be the last.
You're all on notice ... yes ... every one of you!
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mairead
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Just sincerely glad to have you back among us and getting better.
Notice your head injury didn't soften your sharp tongue though. You want to watch that or you might cut your own throat with it. xxx
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Blackadder
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Well, there's no fear of you ever becoming a comedian, is there?
Enjoy this brief respite and remember what Voltaire said (amongst other things) ... "I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."
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mairead
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A Comedian? I wasn't educated to become that.
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Blackadder
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No you weren't ... I quite agree.
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mairead
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Glad you recognise my incredible education at last.
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Blackadder
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"Incredible" is certainly one way of describing it. Incredible LACK!
I think your parents were scammed if you went private. Ans if it was a "state education" ... well, you got your just desserts there! I think "non-educated" describes you, Carol and Babygael quite nicely.
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carol
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unfortunately I didn't have a stable education, around 5 different primary schools and as many secondary  and 5 different countries 
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mairead
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You mean Mater and Pater wasted their lolly? Oh dear, I should hang my head right enough then.
Is that why they cut me off for a time, do you think?
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Blackadder
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Were your parents on the run from Interpol then, Carol??
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carol
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 not quite BA my dad was a soldier 
as for my accent ........... it's unique
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Blackadder
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I see. It was the Military Police then. So how long was your dad AWOL? Is he still?
Is your hair all washed out and gray from continually dyeing it different colours to fool the authorities? What countries did you hide in? Should've just gone to Afghanistan and worn a burqha. Would've saved dyeing your hair all the time. How many passports did you have? Bet you wore glasses in a few pix. Did your dad have to traffic with villains for the fake passports? Bet you hung around in some strange bars and dives growing up, waiting for your dad to get the fake passports. Did he have to sell you every so often to fund your fugitive lifestyle? What other languages did you learn? I bet they're all North African. Was it really so bad living in tents all the time? You must've eaten a lot of roadkill. What army division was your dad on the run from? When did he finally get caught ... or did he wisely give himself up, after you had grown up?
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mairead
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Naughty Blackadder, Really naughty. Were you ever in the services by the way?
Someone's batman perhaps?
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Blackadder
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In a word ... no!
And Batman?? Never ... I'm more of a Boy Wonder anyway!
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mairead
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Well they do say that self praise is no honour
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Blackadder
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Who's they? And who's to say they're right? I'd disagree on a matter of principle anyway!
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mairead
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You would disagree with your own shadow right enough.
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Blackadder
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Never. My shadow and I are always in agreement ... even in the dark!
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mairead
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Sounds about right I suppose.
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Blackadder
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Well of course it is. We're inseperable. Until the light goes out ... then who knows what he gets up to. Who knows what anyone does ion the dark?
No ........... that was NOT a question open to anyone!
But if you want to you tell me here. I promise I won't tell anyone. It'll just be between us!
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mairead
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If you want to know my secrets, just place an adequate amount in my personal bank account.
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Blackadder
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Adequate = no more than 10p.
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mairead
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Of course I should have remembered how terribly mean you are. Not to worry, my secrets are all still mine then.
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Blackadder
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Good ... my cheque wasn't worth the paper it was written on anyway, since it was Baldrick's account!
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mairead
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Poor old Baldrick. Could I perhaps purchase the dear creature from you?
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Blackadder
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Quite impossible. He's indentured for the whole of his life up to and including any possible children he may or may not issue. Besides, it is not my practice to sell people no matter what their origin. How dare you wish to OWN a slave in this day and age!!!
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mairead
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Well you seem to think Baldrick is a slave, you traet him as such anyway, so I just thought I would buy him and set him free. Poor creature.
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Blackadder
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Baldrick is not and has never been a slave. He has never risen to that status.
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mairead
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You are a demon in disguise then
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Blackadder
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I don't wear disguises ... or datguises ... ot woteverguises. I am as I am, I am my own special creation ... (sounds like a cue for a song ... )
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mairead
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You mean you actually walk around sporting your horns and forked tail?
No wonder you can't catch a young thing
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macnumpty
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You are your own special creation, BA?
Egad, how does that work? Did you clone yourself, or something?
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carol
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 let there be one!!!
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Blackadder
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I think I'll leave you all to guess that one. The person who gets it right will win a day out at the mansion.
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macnumpty
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Some sort of laboratory mishap, I've always assumed.
Much like my secondary school Chemistry teacher, Mrs. Frost, who was so obsessed with electrolysis that we were all certain that her creation involved it in some way.
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mairead
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Aye MacNumpts, or the result of some sort of Alien/human mating. Wasn't it David Icke who reckoned that aliens were among us as Reptiles disguised in human form. With his cold blooded attitude, BA might well be one
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Blackadder
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I'll have you know I am in NO WAY related to the "Royal Family"!! The saurian genes are theirs and theirs alone! Besides ... next to that lot, I'm a warm, fuzzy, loveable pink bunny!!!!
And MY DNA is 100% human! I had it tested after the accident, due to my fath ... no, not going there. It's none of your business anyway!
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mairead
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LOL Liked that response.
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Blackadder
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About time too!
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macnumpty
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Are you sure it's just the Royal Family, BA? Icke was sure that Edward Heath was one of them as well...
*waits for the inevitable*
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carol
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just love the thought of you being a bunny BA I just lurv my Nibbles  .............
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Blackadder
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Get your nibbles elsewhere ... my noble nuts are not for you!
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carol
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 hey you rusty bolt, Nibbles is my rabbit
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carol
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.......... there's Patch her sister, Flower her mom, and Humper (prev named Honey) her dad
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Blackadder
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Mt rabbits are Mork and Mindy. I intend to name the offspring, Tuesday through Saturday!
And when they old enough, they'll make a wonderful stew AND a scarf for Baldrick!
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mairead
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wouldn't eat one of your bunnies BA. You probably feed them on bits of serfs. Baldrick is probably minus his fingers and toes by now.
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Blackadder
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Baldrick does not go near the animals in case they sick from the smell of him. The underservants (the ones who survive Baldrick) deal with the day-to-day feeding.
Are you implying I feed my servants TO the animals?? How very dare you! There has never been any proof of that, despite the umpteen investigations for runaway servants!
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mairead
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Who needs proof. Everyone knows what happens to YOUR runaways.
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Blackadder
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Evidence, Mairead. Where's the evidence??
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mairead
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The pile of bones you have secreted away in your dungeons. As your pile is in such a bad state of repair and crumbling now, one can see through the cracks in the ground.
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Blackadder
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Oh you've been here, have you?? Those bones are cow bones. And I haven't used the cellars (not dungeons!) for months now! (Well, not since I've been ill!)
I hope you BOUGHT the tour guide! Some people actually steal them! But not any more, because I've had cameras installed everywhere. Big Blackadder is watching these peasants even more closely!
Meanwhile, the search for the missing immigrant workers continues.
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mairead
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Well, while you are watching the peasants, some of us aristocrats, (the better ones), managed a sneaky look and didn't buy the guide book either.
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Blackadder
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Next time you're here, I invite you to go the Diary Room where you will be thoroughly questioned on your illegal activities on my grounds. The local judge will know what to do with you. He studied under Professor Torquemada of Almeida University and Doctor Stefan Goebbels of Nuremberg.
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mairead
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professor Torquemada and |Mr Goebbels Mmmm? Must be some of your relatives then. All good at torture.
Think I'll give the dairy room a miss then. How is your wine cellar, that is more to my liking.
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Blackadder
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No relatives of mine I assure you. Who mentioned torture? It's forbidden by the Geneva Convention on Human Rights. Well ... for those who pass for human obviously!
The wine cellar is now the Wine Vault ... with a timelock and randomly generated computer passwords. And I am the only one with all the passkeys AND the back entrance is covered also!
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mairead
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Aw well, back to the Babygael's wine cellar then.
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Blackadder
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Good luck there. But, I've heard that it's stocked with the kind of cheap plonk you wouldn't clean your teeth with.
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mairead
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The Babygael only keeps the best.
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Blackadder
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Not what I heard .... and my source is trustworthy. Aren't you, ****** !
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mairead
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Of course I am very trustworthy. Aren't all Aristos.
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Blackadder
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No ... there's been quite a few you couldn't trust with a rusty bolt. Beleieve me, not all aristos are as caring as the Blackadders!
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mairead
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Now who on earth, who had just one working neuron, would ever trust a Blackadder.
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Blackadder
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Well ....... another Blackadder obviously! Duh!!!
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mairead
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with two lonely neurons between you I suppose.
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Blackadder
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Sorry, but we're not devoid of neurons at all.
Neurons are electrically excitable cells in the nervous system that process and transmit information.
Neurons are the core components of the brain, and spinal cord in vertebrates and ventral nerve cord in invertebrates, and peripheral nerves.
Neurons are usually considered permanently amitotic, however, recent research shows that they do indeed undergo adult neurogenesis.
Neurons are typically composed of a soma, or cell body, a dendritic tree and an axon. The majority of vertebrate neurons receive input on the cell body and dendritic tree, and transmit output via the axon. However, there is great heterogeneity throughout the nervous system and the animal kingdom, in the size, shape and function of neurons.
Neurons communicate via chemical and electrical synapses, in a process known as synaptic transmission. The fundamental process that triggers synaptic transmission is the action potential, a propagating electrical signal that is generated by exploiting the electrically excitable membrane of the neuron. This is also known as a wave of depolarization.
The neuron's place as the primary functional unit of the nervous system was first recognized in the early 20th century through the work of the Spanish anatomist Santiago Ramón y Cajal. Cajal proposed that neurons were discrete cells that communicated with each other via specialized junctions, or spaces, between cells. This became known as the neuron doctrine, one of the central tenets of modern neuroscience. To observe the structure of individual neurons, Cajal used a silver staining method developed by his rival, Camillo Golgi. The Golgi stain is an extremely useful method for neuroanatomical investigations because, for reasons unknown, it stains a very small percentage of cells in a tissue, so one is able to see the complete microstructure of individual neurons without much overlap from other cells in the densely packed brain.
Neurons are highly specialized for the processing and transmission of cellular signals. Given the diversity of functions performed by neurons in different parts of the nervous system, there is, as expected, a wide variety in the shape, size, and electrochemical properties of neurons. For instance, the soma of a neuron can vary from 4 to 100 micrometers in diameter.
The soma is the central part of the neuron. It contains the nucleus of the cell, and therefore is where most protein synthesis occurs. The nucleus ranges from 3 to 18 micrometers in diameter.
The dendrites of a neuron are cellular extensions with many branches, and metaphorically this overall shape and structure is referred to as a dendritic tree. This is where the majority of input to the neuron occurs. Information outflow (i.e. from dendrites to other neurons) can also occur, but not across chemical synapses; there, the backflow of a nerve impulse is inhibited by the fact that an axon does not possess chemoreceptors and dendrites cannot secrete neurotransmitter chemicals. This unidirectionality of a chemical synapse explains why nerve impulses are conducted only in one direction.
The axon is a finer, cable-like projection which can extend tens, hundreds, or even tens of thousands of times the diameter of the soma in length. The axon carries nerve signals away from the soma (and also carry some types of information back to it). Many neurons have only one axon, but this axon may - and usually will - undergo extensive branching, enabling communication with many target cells. The part of the axon where it emerges from the soma is called the axon hillock. Besides being an anatomical structure, the axon hillock is also the part of the neuron that has the greatest density of voltage-dependent sodium channels. This makes it the most easily-excited part of the neuron and the spike initiation zone for the axon: in neurological terms it has the most negative hyperpolarized action potential threshold. While the axon and axon hillock are generally involved in information outflow, this region can also receive input from other neurons.
The axon terminal contains synapses, specialized structures where neurotransmitter chemicals are released in order to communicate with target neurons.
Although the canonical view of the neuron attributes dedicated functions to its various anatomical components, dendrites and axons often act in ways contrary to their so-called main function.
Axons and dendrites in the central nervous system are typically only about one micrometer thick, while some in the peripheral nervous system are much thicker. The soma is usually about 10–25 micrometers in diameter and often is not much larger than the cell nucleus it contains. The longest axon of a human motoneuron can be over a meter long, reaching from the base of the spine to the toes. Sensory neurons have axons that run from the toes to the dorsal columns, over 1.5 meters in adults. Giraffes have single axons several meters in length running along the entire length of their necks. Much of what is known about axonal function comes from studying the squid giant axon, an ideal experimental preparation because of its relatively immense size (0.5–1 millimeters thick, several centimeters long).
So you see, we must have neurons or we would not exist. Have that with your toast this morning!
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mairead
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Erm yes, I do actually know the meaning of the word or I would not have brought it up. Did you have to google to find out what it was?
And hey, I didn't say you had none, I know you have at least one lonely wee neuron rattling around in that vast empty space you call a brain. Any more and you'd be dangerous
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Blackadder
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Dangerous? I'm an absolute menace!!! 
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mairead
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We Know, We know, We Know.......
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Blackadder
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And people need to beware of me because I retaliate ... only I like to get my retaliation in first!
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mairead
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aha, Like a bully you mean.
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Blackadder
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No ... it's strictly a defence mechanism. I hate bullies of all varieties.
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mairead
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So the best method of defence is to attack first you are saying. Well, maybe, in rare circumstances, but not as a rule of thumb. Always better to walk away where possible.
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Blackadder
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No ... you can never walk away from that kind of problem ... you have to face up to bullies, because if you don't ...you're giving them a green light to carry on with their beviour, which is just not acceptable.
I have a friend whose 7 year old son was being bullied ... until one day at school, pushed up against a wall, he suddenly grabbed the bully's head, pulled it forward and ... kissed him on the forehead!! After that, he was never bothered ever again! Gave the teachers a bit of a turn too actually! They weren't sure about him either!
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mairead
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Actually I go along with that. There are two things bullies can't stand, ridicule and pain. Inflict one or the other and hey, bully boy is no more.
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Blackadder
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This is extremely worrying! You are in agreement with me. Are you just trying to kiss my well-formed behind??
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mairead
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NO chance of that dearie, but I do agree with you on the rare occasion when you post something quite sensible.
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Blackadder
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I am always eminently sensible.The real problem is the current crop of posters on this board! They're just not in my league ... which is of course too high for them to aspire to!!
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mairead
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Whit 'Crop of Posters' ?
Seems to be a two way conversation these days. Who will you chat to when I am away from Thursday.?
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Blackadder
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Oh I think Carol and Macnumpty will be around ... and maybe Holebiter, RadgeGit, CelticInjun and Asoorface!! Bring 'em on I say!!!
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macnumpty
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I would have posted earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt this tender moment.
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carol
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soz not around much and nearly missed this post!
macnumpts can keep you happy whilst Margaret is away BA
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Blackadder
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Oh I have enough going on to keep me happy. Macnumpterheid just doesn't do it for me!
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carol
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so you're not a sad, lonely old git then?
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Blackadder
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You really do have a wrong picture of me in what passes for your head. Are you sure it's not a turnip atop your neck??
I'm off to the spa with a couple of friends today. None of you are invited!
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carol
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you mean you'd refuse having a hot tub with me, or is it the SPAR you mean
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Blackadder
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I don't think there would be room in the hot tub with you, would there?? Not that I would if there were. I'm choosy about the tarts I use!
What's SPAR??? 
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carol
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is that strawberry or raspberry flavour
hey BA the more curves the better ............. just think of the fun
SPAR a chain of corner shops, not necessarily on the corner though
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Blackadder
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Fun?? In a bath ...... with you?? Excuse me ... I'm going to go and throw up!
I still have no idea what you mean. I have never been in a "corner shop" in my life!
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carol
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are you house bound?
you're winding me up
have you heard of Asda (my fav place ), Tesco, morrisons ............. oh and another favourite of mine is Lush
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macnumpty
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Despite what BA claims, he's a Lidl man.
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carol
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Blackadder
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Shops? I have never been shopping in my life. That's what the servants are for! You don't have a chauffeur and then drive the car yourself, do you? But then, I suppose you peasants wouldn't know any better, would you??
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macnumpty
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You mean, you rely on the goodwill of servants for your meals? The day your underlings grow a backbone, you may regret that...
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Blackadder
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Goodwill?? They don't know the meaning of the word. They live to obey every Blackadder word. And backbones?? Don't make me laugh. We've never had a servant uprising in 600 years. There's no Spartacus here I'm afraid. Not even a Tony Curtis I could spare for you!!!
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mairead
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Ah but the worms will turn one day BA. When that happens I hope you have some friends around.
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Blackadder
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Friends? No such thing. Everyone is out to get you! If you don't know that be now ... you'll never learn!
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mairead
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A sad philosophy there BA.
Mind you, thinking back, I have had friends who turned out not to be what I thought. Still, we all need someone to call friend I suppose.
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Blackadder
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Yes .... but keep them at arms length and don't leave them in your house (or hovel) alone!
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mairead
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I let them in on the maid's night off and they always offer to wash up after scrounging dinner. I do allow that of course.
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Blackadder
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You'll regret that one day!
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