Signs Of The Times

Blackadder · Signs Of The Times

I thought these were worth sharing ...

[color=red]Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office[/color]:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank lorry:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."

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On a Plumber's van:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

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On another Plumber's van:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

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On a Church's noticeboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

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At a Tyre Rack in a local garage:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

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On an Electrician's van:
"Let us remove your shorts."

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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

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At an Optician's Shop:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

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On a Fence:
"Leafleters welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet ... miss a car payment."

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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

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At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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Anybody got any more???

Reluctant Hero

Seen this on the side of a kilt hire place

"Do you have the balls to wear it?" Laughing

Blackadder

Great Road Sign ..........

"Dont't Drink and Drive" Laughing

Blackadder

Don't know how to put pics up ... so go look at this site ....

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/tonystrading/sillysigns.htm

Reluctant Hero

Saw one for a double glazing company

"Only a stones throw away" Laughing

kathyv

BA, those are hilarious!

I especially liked the Secret Nuclear Bunker this way sign!

There was a pic floating around in e-mail, a sign at a nursery/garden store, "Cut Penis, $7.00" It was up for 3 days before someone stopped and asked what it meant, they were selling peonies. . .

Can't see bouquets of the first version being a real seller!

Blackadder

As a world-traveller, I have spotted some strange signs in many hotels and other places. Here is a collection of them for you to enjoy. Please note: a lift is an elevator in the Mirrikin language.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig lift:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel lift:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend coureous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition af Arts by 15000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn c**k to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today ... no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
(that one should be in Heathrow's new Terminal 5)

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

Babygael

Laff of the day, thank you BA! Laughing

Talking about strange signs and so on while travelling, I remember while on a bus to Rimini, Italy from our camp site. the ticket instructed the user to "Please obliterate after use". And then there was the shoe shop in France named " Athletes Foot".

Blackadder

Since I'm not allowed to drive after my nearly-fatal car crash, I get the chance to look around when I'm driven by my chauffeur, Jenny. She pointed out a bus-stop a few days ago, where the queue was about ten deep. Apparently they never noticed the sign ... BUS STOP NOT IN USE. Wonder how long it took them to realise?? Very Happy

kathyv

One of my favorites, where I was attending college there was a huge sign posted next to the entrance that read:
ABSOLUTELY NO SMOKING HERE! PROCEED TO THE SMOKING AREA! Then, below the sign was a gigantic ashtray/trashcan, littered with smoker's dead butts! Razz

Thank your for clarifying the lift/elevator BA but you will have ascertained that kathyv is more aware than your opinion of the average American, so you don't really have to worry about her, she gets it! But thank you. . .

Blackadder

Happy to oblige! Very Happy

Babygael

I found one! I think it was in a window in a Glasgow shop window.

kathyv

Rats, and I have a trip planned to Glasgow specifically to get some buckfast. . . . what will I do with my ticket now!

There is a local drive through coffee shop here in my little town, they have a porta-potty available for customers and they've out a sign on it that reads, "The Coffee Pot, come in and sit a while!" Luckily it's far enough away from the coffee shop it's self that there isn't any confusion as to what to do where!

Blackadder

Sign in the little park in the nearest village .... KEEP OFF THE GRASS! ... unfortunately you can't see it because the grass is too long!

kathyv

A church in the city where I grew up put out a no parking sign in their loading area, it read, "Thou Shalt NOT Park Here".

Blackadder

Personally ... my favourite sign is the one on the wall of the local pub's gents toilet. It reads "Please flush twice. It's a long way to the lager tap." Very Happy

Scott2006

kathyv: Can you tell me where, in the USA or US, etc , is the Stepford Police Dept. ? Question

kathyv

I've no idea! Maybe in Stepford? But I don't know of any real places called Stepford. I googled it and all I got were links to 'The Stepford Wives'.

But the US is huge, there could be a city called that and they could have a police dept, somewhere!

Blackadder

After extensive searching, I can find no trace of a real-life Stepford in Scotland, England, Wales, Ireland, USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand or anywhere else for that matter. Which is interesting in itself as it seems a very logical place-name! Go figure! Very Happy