Blackadder
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Things That will Never HappenCan you name 20 things that will never happen??
For instance ... here's 20 things that never seem to happen in Star Trek ...
* The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
* The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
* Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
* The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.
* The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
* The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
* The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
* An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
* A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
* The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
* The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
* The Enterprise visits an Earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
* A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
* The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
* Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
Now why don't you try it with any subject ... no holds barred ... go for it! 
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Jimbo
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Isn't that only 15 BA?
* If your grand-parents never had any children you'll never have any either.
* Labour politicians will never refuse brown envelopes.
* Labour politicians will never hand out brown envelopes.
* Politicians will never tell the whole truth.
* Tony Blair will never admit to lying.
* BG, Carol and Mairead will never cast a spell that works.
* BA will never subdue their enthusiasm for trying.
* You'll never walk alone.
* ID cards will never stop crime happening.
* You're never alone with a Strand.
* Betamax video players will never make a come-back.
* Humans will never stop looking for the perfect partner... even if in the meantime they get married.
* Regardless of how popular you become you'll never get everyone to like you.
* Humans will never stop wondering 'what if?'.
* If you become filthy rich you'll never be short of friends.
* If a face really launched a thousand ships you'd never get it back into shape again. That's why they now use champagne bottles.
* Thanks to modern medical technology, if my auntie had b***s she'd still be my auntie...never my uncle.
* You'll never birdie 18 holes in a single round of golf.
* The monarchy will never go voluntarily.
* If you stare into the sun with powerful binoculars you'll never need glasses.
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Blackadder
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Oops!! 
Here's the rest!!! 
* Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
* The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
* Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
* Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
* Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.
I'm a very sleepy Blackadder today!!! 
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mairead
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Think your sleepiness has passed to me, I'm fair jiggered.
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Blackadder
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Good. And don't come back here without 20 things that won't happen ... and none of them to me!!! 
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mairead
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I can think of at least 20 things that will happen....TO you. and in the very near future when I get my hands on you.
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Blackadder
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Fine ... just list them, you batty old crone!!!
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mairead
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he heh heh, that would be telling now. heh heh.heh.
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Blackadder
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Okay! If not 20 things ... how about 10??? And I'm being generous here!!!
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mairead
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you wouldn't know the meaning of generous, but I'll give you a hint. Some of my spells require the skin of snake.
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Blackadder
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Here's ONE thing that will never happen ........ Mairead grows a brain!!!
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Jimbo
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Hi BA,
your (or should I say you're) avatar's wrong.
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Blackadder
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I'm aware of that, Jimboneheid! But I didn't create it ... I nicked it!!! So ... bite me!!
And thank you for being only other person so far to enter into the spirit of the thread ... Your okay in my book (<- spot the deliberate mistake!)
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Jimbo
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Was it thred?
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Jimbo
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Hi BA,
| Quote: | | And thank you for being only other person so far to enter into the spirit of the thread |
I note that you're asking for a list of ten now, instead of twenty. 
Are you suggesting perhaps that some of them don't have sufficient mental furniture to compile a list? 
Looks as if there's only the two of us good enough. 
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Blackadder
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| Quote: | Are you suggesting perhaps that some of them don't have sufficient mental furniture to compile a list?
Looks as if there's only the two of us good enough. |
You may think that, Jimbonecomb ... I couldn't possibly comment!!
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mairead
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Ok BA. Here is my ten.
1. I will give upm the fags
2. Blackadder will turn out to be a gentleman after all.
3. I will win the lottery
4. I will share it with you lot.
5. Gordon Broon will return to Scotland to retire.
6. I will learn to drive.
7. DC will stop being an arrogant F..kwit
8. Summer of 2009 will be sunshine all the way.
9. The weather forecasters will get at least one forecast right.
10. Scotland will have her own Fitba team at the Olymppics.
OK Snakey one.
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Blackadder
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Next ....
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kathyv
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Blacky, you forgot that the unknown member of the Away Team on the transporter pad doesn't get killed on the unknown planet the Enterprise visits.
My home will be beach frontage.
America will agree on politics.
Taffy will play nice with the cat next door.
Kathyv will enjoy Elvis.
Blacky will invite all of us to the Manor for dinner
Gas prices will drop to 1960 levels
5 sharps will be easy to play
Bananas will be tasty
So will hot dogs
and beats
The town will finish the water pipe project this year
The neighbors rooster will stop crowing
I will buy something from a TV pitchman
The dogs will stop shedding
Mice will make good neighbors
My feet will be warm
The US will add the U back into words
Chocolate will taste bad
so will coffee
and pizza!
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Blackadder
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More things that will never happen ... on Star Trek (part 2)
* The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
* The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day
* An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, “would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant.”
* A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
* Picard hears the door chime and doesn’t bother to say “Come.”
* Picard doesn’t answer a suggestion with “Make it so”!
* Picard walks up to a replicator and says, “Coke on ice.”
* Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi’s position.
* Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, “Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He’s MINE!”
* When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says “On screen.”
* Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise’s hails.
* Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck.
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