mairead
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worst joke.What was the worst joke of 2007.
Start off with this.
Q. What do you do if your pet bird takes ill?
A. Take it for tweetment. ARGH
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Blackadder
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Dunno about the worst joke ... but the worst response has been on the Floyd Red Crow Westerman thread!
It's been there for D A Y S ... and still nobody tippled! Numpties!
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mairead
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I suppose I better have a look then.........
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Blackadder
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Still not getting it!
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macnumpty
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BA... it's truly awful. So awful even I'm not touching it. I'm not even going to poke it with a stick.
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mairead
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Aye MacNumpts,
It is pretty awful right enough.
We need a new 'worst joke' I think.
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Blackadder
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I don't believe either of you have got it yet ... or you'd be all over me like a rash about my un-pc-ness!
If I'm wrong and you DID get it ... tell me by pm-ing me.
I will apologise to you unreservedly if you're right.
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Blackadder
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You DID get it, Macnumpts! Thanks for getting in touch. Thank me (the Lord) I'm not the only one on these boards who doesn't bow to political correctness!
I apologise for doubting you! 
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macnumpty
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No apology needed BA... I like to keep some of my cards close to my ample, ample chest. 
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Blackadder
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No problem fatboy!
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mairead
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So you have reduced your intellect to name calling now. My My , how the mighty have fallen.
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Blackadder
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Nope ... just having fun with him ...
How's YOUR intellect doing? Figured it out yet? Or do I pm you and tell you?
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mairead
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No, It has escaped me. Do PM me and tell me please. XX
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Blackadder
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Done!
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macnumpty
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You may scoff, BA, but thanks to J-Lo, the Person of Oversized Derrière can stand tall.
Besides, it has its advantages... I can use it to open doors when my hands are full.
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mairead
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Och macnumpts, he scoffs at everyone because he has such low self esteem. A classical symptom.
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Blackadder
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But I didn't scoff all the cakes ... Macnumpty did that I believe!! 
And if you read over all my posts ... you'll find low self-esteem has NEVER been an issue for me! Quite the opposite I assure you!
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mairead
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It is your posts which indicate that actually.
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Blackadder
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Oh really? Are you trying to psychoanalyse me on these boards?? You're a hiding to nothing there I think.
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mairead
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Easily done dearie. I'm an expert on that subject.
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Blackadder
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At being on a hiding to nothing as usual I agree!
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mairead
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erm, no actually. At sussing out muppets in fact. XX
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Blackadder
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And which one are you? I always liken myself to Animal (the drummer), but using peasants' heads instead of drums.
Go on then everybody ... which muppet do you see yourself as? This question might even draw in some of the other posters on other thread.
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macnumpty
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Statler and/or Waldorf.
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mairead
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Well as Miss Piggy is the posh one I guess that would have to be me.
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macnumpty
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I can just see you attacking BA with your handbag if sufficiently provoked. Haaaaaaiiiii-yah!!!!!!
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Blackadder
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She'd have to get to me first ... and that will never happen. I've got Gonzo to keep an eye on her.
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mairead
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Ah, you should not be so over confidant BA. You never know where I might turn up.
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Blackadder
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Beside the other turnups in the field??
Now there's a joke of the worst variety. Did you spot it? Do you want it explained?
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mairead
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Well. you never know who the woman standing behind you really is, do you? I might be nearer than you think.
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Blackadder
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I'm sure .. hiding with rest of the vegetables, no doubt!
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mairead
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Could be. I am a master of disguise after all, and I learn so much when I play the role of 'Puzzled Peasant'. You should try it sometime.
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Blackadder
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Good grief no! Mingle with the peasants?? I might catch something!! Certainly not. I'll leave them to you.
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mairead
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Yes, you might catch something for sure, but you might also learn a few things as well.
The sign of a Real True gentleman is if he can talk with Princes and Paupers alike, so I think your breeding has been very lacking my dear sir. Are you sure the Blackadders were not an experiment which went wrong??? .
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Blackadder
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You've been listening to unsubstantiated rumours again. A true gentlemen has no truck with the lower orders ... except the one he uses to drive over them!
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mairead
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Only your word that the rumours are indeed unsubstantiated, and as you appear not to be a gentleman, how could I possible take your word..
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Blackadder
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And what makes you think I care anyway?
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mairead
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Matters not, cos no-one else cares either.
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Blackadder
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I see you've met workers from Dinnae Care In The Community also!
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mairead
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LOL Something like that maybe, who cares anyway, especially for the carers
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Blackadder
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The watchers??
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mairead
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They may watch, but do they care?
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Blackadder
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Not in my experience. The poor villagers in my demesne appear to be disallowed from community benefits. My father never liked them much.
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mairead
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So I guess you take after your father then. At least you have his attitudes.
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Blackadder
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Not at all. I take after my mother in that respect ... I tolerate them only just and trust the shifty, worthless beggars even less.
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mairead
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And who trusts YOU?
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Blackadder
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I do! No-one else matters more!
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mairead
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Well that's the usual opinion of those whom no-one else loves
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Blackadder
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You'd think so, wouldn't you? Apparently it doesn't hold true. Look at the sad case of Socrates and Xanthippe. He was a genius, and she was a shrew ... oh and look ... history repeats itself ... thankfully without being married to it this time round!
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mairead
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For shrew, substitute a strong and thinking woman in a man's world 
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Blackadder
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And here we see how a delusion is strengthened by wrong thinking. Really, Mairead ... that psych you're seeing is an obvious fraud. Ask for a new shrink!
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mairead
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I am a shrink
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Blackadder
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Yes, of course you are.
(Mother always believed it was best to let the delusional live in their fantasies as long they were harmless.)
Mairead, did you know that psychiatrists say that 1 out of 4 people are mentally ill? Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, you're it.
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mairead
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Na. All my friends seem to be in good mental health, but you really should look at yourself you know. Those who are delusional are usually the last ones to see it in themselves, hence your grandoise delusions about the Blackadders, but we here are, I am sure, all happy to let you go along with your delusions, after all they and you are quite harmless. x
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Blackadder
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And here we see the last refuge of the mentally unbalanced at work ... seeing in others what they can't see in themselves. This is called "projection" in the world of psychiatry ... and our Mairead is an expert at projecting her failings! She's obviously had lessons from Babygael, Carol, Macnumpty, RadgeGit, Azzuri, Aventinian and the rest ...
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mairead
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Failings? What bloody failings?
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Blackadder
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Where would you like me to begin??
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mairead
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Oh, just ramble on as per usual. ,
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Blackadder
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I never ramble. There is always a purpose in my perambulations and cogitations ... much to your discumbobulations ... in which I wish you much randomness.
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mairead
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Impressive wee speech, NOT
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Blackadder
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Ah ....... you don't see it then? Proving my point again, dearie. What meds are you on again?
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mairead
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Oh I saw it, just chose to treat it with contempt. Only meds I take are injections for severe migraine.
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Blackadder
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Not telling, eh? No, nor would I if I had half your imaginary problems.
Are you on Imitrex for the heid? I've had a few of them over the course of the last year. I even had two migrainous fits. Not recommended. I commiserate with you. It's not a good thing and anyone who's never suffered that kind of severity will ever understand. I hope you don't need to take them too often.
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mairead
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Bless you for understanding.
I don't have them quite so often now, but they have been the bain of my life and so severe that I have been hospitalised with them. The only thing that works for me is the Immigran which I carry with me at all times.
I could truly empathise with you and the terrible headaches you suffered after your accident.
I have a fairly high pain threshold except where the headaches are concerned. Before Immigran became available, my GP used to knock me out for 24 hours.
I can get so brassed off when I meet folk in the street and they tell me they have a migraine when all they have is a (normal) headache. Believe me, no-one who suffers true migraine would be out shopping and standing chatting.
I used to drop unconscious eventually, probably caused by the non stop sickness making me so weak.
Definately a horrible thing to suffer from
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Blackadder
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Baldrick offered to knock me out too ... but I didn't like the size of the mallet he was holding at the time!
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mairead
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LOL. As long as it wasn't an axe. They do say an axe can cure the worst headache though, I believe Caligula was quite good at that cure.
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Blackadder
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The Tudors werre the real experts with that! Next to them, Caligula was a piker!
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mairead
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I guess that's true of many old time monarchs though I believe Caligula did order his nephews decapitation as a cure for a cough.
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Blackadder
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He did ... right after he caused the cough with poison. Took after his great-granma Livia, that one did. And she was world-class at that game. Next to her, Lucrezia Borgia was an innocent.
I suppose Macnumpty likes to think of himself like ... maybe ... Messalina?? Given the chance, of course!
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mairead
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If you were to be a charcter in history, who would you be?. Serious Question by the way.
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macnumpty
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Well, actually, I'm quite certain that I was a member of the Soviet Politburo in a past life. You know, one of the old waxworks who was already dead. My past incarnation was probably still gensek of the Communist Party while I was at school.
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Blackadder
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If I could choose freely?? Probably Alexander. Live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse for the ravens!
And Macnumpty thinks he was/is Stalin.
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macnumpty
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Not Stalin. Possibly Andropov. Or Chernenko. Brezhnev at a pinch, but he was still breathing when they got rid of Khrushchev.
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Blackadder
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More Chernobyl than Chernenko, I should think!
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mairead
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As a lifelong Jacobite, I imagine I would like to have been around in the 18th century, probably not a well known person but someone who could wield a Claymore fairly well.As I have to name someone, maybe Lady Moy
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Blackadder
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I was never much of a fan of the Stewart/Stuarts. So I could never be a Jacobite, though my family were attainted for a short while because of the '45 .... that's 1745 of course. 1945 was a different case altogether!
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mairead
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ach well, each to their own. My family were all Jacobite orientated so I carry on their beliefs and traditions.
Attainted, mine were executed.
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Blackadder
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The Hanoverians weren't much better. Old Geo I was only 52nd in line to the throne, y'know. But the rest were Catholic ... and he agreed to becoming a constitutional monarch, ruled by Parly, which is why he got the job! Chancers, murderers and child-molesting butchers!!
Your lot probably deserved to lose a head or ten.
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mairead
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Aye, loyalty didn't go for much in these days, come to think of it, it doesn't go for much today either does it.
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Blackadder
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Well ........ not with your family anyway!
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mairead
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And from your comments, I gather the Blackadders are a pretty disloyal bunch... My boys, however, know better than be disloyal. I terrorise them at the first sign of it.
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Blackadder
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On the contrary, the Blackadders are extremely loyal. Our loyalty is unquestioned in the Annals of British History. Nemo me impune lacessit, I say! We are, of course, loyal to the cause of the Blackadder Family first and foremost! Our alternate family motto is, "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!" And we tend to live up to it fully.
You, on the other hand would appear to be a family tyrant. Sort of a homely Annabel Goldie.
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mairead
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Nothing homely about me mate. I just know how to control men. A good beating now and then is so good for them.
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Blackadder
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Dear, dear ... if that's the kind of man that your attracted to, no wonder you've developed this unhealthy strain of unnatural (and completely wrong) superiority about you. Most men like their women to be feminine and alluring .... not Maw Broon, with a rolling pin in her mitt.
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mairead
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Now I may be Maw Broon and do on occasion use a rolling pin, but assuredly, even for an old bird, I'm still very much the feminine. Just one that doesn't timidly take any c..p from men. (or women come to that)
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Blackadder
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So you're a strident, loud, termagantic virago of a shrewish nature??
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mairead
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No, I am a peace loving. easy going sort of slob, well, till someone crosses me any way. Definately not a shrew or a virago, just have the Celtic temperament and don't tolerate fools easily.
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Blackadder
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I see! A modern day Boudicca, is that it?? Which is just what I said!
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mairead
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Well, so what's wrong with that. She was what one would call a strong woman.
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Blackadder
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Exactly ... Maw Broon on steroids!! It's you to a "T"!!!
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mairead
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Well I'll let you into a little secret. My new married name is Palmer-Brown so I suppose technically speaking, the term Maw Broon is fairly accurate, but I need no steroids sir.
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Blackadder
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Well ... maybe not anymore. You'll have had your fill to make you strong enough to bear the weight of a double-barrelled name.
Be happy. At least it's not Palmer-Tompkinson!!!!!!
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mairead
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Yeuk. Yes there are some things for which I am indeed thankful.
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Blackadder
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And you not being able to terrorise the population in your current condition is somethingthe rest of us can be thankful for!!!
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mairead
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My current condition has not affected my brain dear.
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Blackadder
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And I think I'd want a medical opinion on that!!!
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mairead
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But you already have one. MINE.
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Blackadder
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Which doesn't count!! I meant a human being with rational thought. But I'll amend that to a man's rational thought!!!
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mairead
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Since when were men capable of any rational thoughts?
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Blackadder
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Since before the female of the species climbed down from the trees to join him. 
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