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Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

It seems I must apologise for my extended absence from these boards. Or so I am informed by one of your number who tracked me down, and managed to avoid the bear-pit on the estate! Don't worry ... there's a few new traps been set to catch you ignoble louts, if you ever dare to step foot on the ancestral grounds again. Consider this fair warning! The dogs have been replaced with half-starved wolves.

Oh very well then ... if I must! I have been under the not so tender ministrations of my cousin, Doctor Blackadder of Canada in Nova Scotia ... aptly named, since it as windswept, uninteresting and as dull as our homeland under a Tory government ... and his staff of barely trained illegal Romanian immigrant apes for some time now, after I fell very ill again.

Yes, you nearly lost me, you undeserving peasants! Be glad I am recovering and am once again in charge of my affairs ... and stopped my halfwit children from taking over.

The title and estate would have passed on to my eldest son, Edmund Cedric, Viscount of Ecclefechan and Lord Dunsapie in his own right. Not that I've ever met the boy, thank God! An absolute moron by all accounts, who's shacked up with a some unaccountable slut in a godforsaken place called Cathcart, where they have some very dodgy politicians. But I am slowly recovering and will try to be involved again soon, although in a very limited fashion, because I can only stomach any of you for short periods of time! What, you want to make me ill again? My second son, Edmund Cecil, Baron Tynecastle (a title that idiot Foulkes will never gain no matter how much he offers!) thinks I'm going to die and let him be the next Lord Blackadder, bypassing his older sibling ... but he has little chance of that. Baldrick has been salting his porridge with 3 grains of arsenic a day for a very long time now. His demise will preceed mine by years!

So how have you all been ... not that I remotely care for any of you, you understand ... I ask purely out of my good breeding and respect for the form of manners. Feel free to grunt your thanks that I have even deigned to address you. All getting along with each other? Enjoying your humdrum boring little lives and all that knees-up frivolity, you lower orders appear to like? My mother would have had you all shot and fed to the pigs! Which would be a shame, because they're used to better obviously ... not that I'm going to read any of the postings I've missed in my absence. Good Lord, no! I would require a brain-transplant from an English idiot for that!

Anyway, I'm done for now. My sleep requires my presence. Goodnight. I'll be in touch soon I suppose! Rolling Eyes

mairead · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:53 pm Post subject:

Nice to see you haven't changed any M'lud. What have you done with Baldrick then.

That asides, sincerely glad you are feeling better these days.
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

Baldrick is out feeding the wolves with a couple of orphans I acquired from some place called Darafur or some such name. How would I know? I only sign the cheques! Not that it's any of your business, peasant!

mairead · Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 12:02 pm Post subject:

'Peasant????? I think you forget to whom you are addressing these comments Sir.
Coming from a long line of Aristocrats which is much older than the Blackadder line, I shall consider your comment as ignorant and pass it off with the contempt which it merits.
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

"Older" (disputable) is not necessarily "better". As far as I'm concerned, you're all far below me in rank and status. It pleases me to give you a healthy kick while you're down there too! You come across as a prole, so you may as well stick with them.

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

News on the runaway immigrant worker front ... they were caught in Bolton last night! They were identified because Baldrick (on his own initiative) had them branded with the sign of a turnip.

They will be returned to me as of next Tuesday ... but Baldrick will be charged with illegal body mutilation and the infringements of Human Rights.

I have to get him a lawyer, but not my family one. Does anyone know of a cheap lawyer I can hire? Winning the case isn't all that important, so it's not a prerequisite!

mairead · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:47 am Post subject:

Glad you got your 'staff' back safely. As to solicitors, well there really is any number of shyster lawyers out there for you to choose from so even you can surely look up the yellow pages. Very Happy