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Babygael · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:18 pm Post subject: Tips and words for the day

You only need two tools in life, WD-40 and Duct tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use WD -40

If it moves and shouldnt, use Duct tape

and remember, everyone seems normal untill you get to know them.

Have a nice day! Very Happy

_________________
Ath-bheothachadh

Drink beer,don't drive...its cheeper!

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

In case anyone doesn't know ... Duct Tape is another name for the always reliable Gaffer Tape!! I have used MILES of the stuff in my working life. Very Happy

mairead · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:35 pm Post subject:

Here's another wee thought for you.
There are three main things a man cannot do.
1. say he is lost
2. say he is sorry
3. say he doesn't know.
Lots more as well.
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

What women say ... and what they REALLY mean!

ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".

THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

mairead · Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:37 am Post subject:

Now that you have figured all that out BA, you may begin to understand the complexities of Women.

Loved it by the way, and have to say you are bang on there. LOL
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

If raising children were going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!

mairead · Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:55 pm Post subject:

You better believe it BA. They don't call it labour for nothing. LOL
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

Wouldn't it be nice if, whenever we messed up our life, we could simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete" and start all over?

mairead · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:52 am Post subject:

Would you really change your life experiences. I don't think I would.
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

It's not about changing your whole life ... just bits you mess up. And yes ... it's worth having a reset button involved.

RadgeJougal · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:28 pm Post subject:

Morph · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:22 pm Post subject:

but its all character building Blackie,

Not always good but hey!
_________________
"An oppressive government is to be more feared than a tiger"

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

mairead · Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:32 am Post subject:

Stress, is when your mouth says 'no way' and your tummy says'no problem'
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet.

(are these epigrams or homilies or what?)

mairead · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:56 pm Post subject:

A compliment is a verbal gift and should be accepted with grace.
_________________
I fear not hell, nor English strife,
For Scotland, I will give my life

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4089

Opportunity knocks only once. If you hear a second knock ... it's probably a Jehovah's Witness.