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Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4125

Thought I'd open up a new topic. There's probably an old one waaay back on another page long gone ... so here's a fresh go for everyone.

What's your fave Scots poems? In Scots (any dialect). To get started ... here's one of my favourites. Don't know who wrote it ... but it gets me laughing every time ...

Ode Tae A Fart

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in your belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet ootae a rifle
Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me ... a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope ah huvnae shat mah breeks
Tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw whit the hell it's no' ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or two are nearly boakin
Ah'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wiz him! Ah shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
Ah dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e'er ye go let yer wind gan’ free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' one wee farty

Laughing

The only rule is ... it can't be in "proaper English"!

Babygael · Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 1:55 pm Post subject:

We hiv a queer dialect we use aroon here
Double Dutch it micht soon tae the sassenach ear.
Doon sooth it gaes cause tae a few coarse remarks,
The braider the tongue the mair feel he cracks
We hae tae pit up wi'! If we tak aspersion
They'll snigger an grin an show their aversion.

Bit bide we oor time an ignore a' the chaff.
Just let a' the unceevil crew hae their laugh.
There's nivver a problem in makkin oor words kent.
For the heid's o' departments ken weel fit is ment.
They probably hid the same trouble themsel.
Sae be prood o' your dialect.Send Oxbridge tae hell!!
_________________
Ath-bheothachadh

Drink beer,don't drive...its cheeper!

Babygael · Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 2:06 pm Post subject:

This one's for Alasdair and his erm Elephant!!

The Elephant's merriege........Sheena Blackhall

Skinnymalinkie langlegs,
Drinkin straas in Kilts,
I spied an elephant
that crossed the Dee on stilts.

He didna like the watter,
He crossed, because his bride,
Wis wytin wi' a posie
Upon the ither side.

They merreid at King's college,
The piper wis a snail,
An five an forty forkietails
Held up the bridal veil.
_________________
Ath-bheothachadh

Drink beer,don't drive...its cheeper!

Alasdair · Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 3:00 pm Post subject:

Sheena Blackhall's great! Here's another of hers:

Daddy Lang Legs

Daddy-lang-legs like a crane,
Stots against the windae pane.
On his stilts he styters ben,
Wandrin Willies in the fen
like a muckle lang giraffe …
Ower mony legs bi hauf!
_________________
"We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation." - Voltaire

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4125

Seen as a small plaque in many pubs ...

Oh wad some poo'r
The giftie gie us
Tae see wir freends
Afore they see us!!

Babygael · Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject:

Nice one Alasdair, here's another.

Gloria carrot.

Gloria carrot,
turned up her snoot
At ingins an tatties,
scots veggies an fruit.

'Ochone,' sighed Miss Carrot,
'I sud hae bin born
Tae commune wid bananas,
Star fruit an sweet corn,
Fur ingins are common
An tatties are roch
(And baith can be fand
In the Soo's feedin troch)

Wi ma Bonnie green toorie,
Ma coatie sae braw
I could happily mix wi'
A peach or Paw-paw.

A Rubbit wis passin,
Withoot mair adee,
He pued up Miss Carrot
An ett her fur tea.
Syne dichtin his fuskers,quo
carrots are fine,
Bit I'd rather ett lettuce
Or kail onytime!
_________________
Ath-bheothachadh

Drink beer,don't drive...its cheeper!

Blackadder · 'Our Scotland' Fossil Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 4125

"It War Crackit Afore"

"O Elsie ye will drive me mad
Wi' your wearisome, worrisome ways;
Your lack o' wit, an' your want o' care
Wi' sorrow will cloud my days!"
Thus sternly spoke a Scottish dame
To her handmaid, brawny and brown,
Who, weeping, stood by the garden gate
With her eyes cast humbly down.

At her feet in scattered heaps there lay
The shreds of a china bowl;
And she wept as though her falling tears
Might make the vessel whole.

"Please, ma'am," she said, " 'twas na my fault,
And I willna do it more;
But the bowl brak not along o' me,
For it war crackit afore."

Just then a thump, thump, THUMP was heard,
And a sharp yell vexed the air.
"Rin, Elsie!" cried the startled dame;
"Hal's toombled doon the stair!"

The handmaid ran, the mother ran;
The mother won the race,
And in a trice poor screaming Hal
Was safe in her embrace.

"Hast broke thy head, my bairn ?"
In pitying tones, she said;
"No, mither, no," he sobbing cried,
"I hanna brak my head.

"An, prithee, mither, chide me not,
I'll never do it more ;
It wasna brak along o' me,
For it war crackit afore."

Gath Brittle